Feel and consuming 'fake joy'

May 15, 2010

I feel like I don’t know myself anymore, what happened to that guy who was up and out and doing stuff? I feel like all my inspiration is gone, and I don’t know what to do to regain it… I still feel like there’s something that I’m missing, that I can’t see. I basically feel pathetic, and it’s like I don’t even care, which is terrifying. Cause I know I’m not suppose to feel like that, and I know that it is me who holds the power to get going, I just don’t know where to focus, or what tools to use.
I wanna find inspiration, wanna travel, go surfing. Can’t wait to put a sign on my door which reads ‘Gone Surfing’!
After I write this, I’m gonna do some push-ups, and sit-ups, then go shave, then hit the shower, and then take a long walk to clear my mind. I wish I lived near the ocean, then I would walk to the ocean, and gaze out beyond the horizon, listen to the waves crashing in.

Today I went down to buy a pizza, and while I was at it, I might as well buy some soda. My plan was to stay in and watch a film, so why not buy some candy too… I did buy all that, ate the pizza, drank half the soda and decided that was enough, I didn’t need that, it’s just propelling my self-pity even more, so I ate some of the candy untill I thought about why I was doing it, and then I spat out the two pieces, that was in my mouth, and the rest of the bag in the bin. Actually that was a little victory for me. Cause I can have a good time without candy and soda, I don’t need that ‘fake joy’!

Why do I keep forgetting how important it is for me to write… Now I already feel better just by writing this.

I keep my right to post short blogspost… 😉

All the best,
Lucas Alexander

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